the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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