Where is the hickey?
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
She tied me up with her honor cords...
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
