He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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