i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I just want nice things and good sex
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
