talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
