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69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Operation Purity has been aborted
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
