Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
