Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
one might say we're banned from that church
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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