physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Randomize
