Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
