Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Randomize
