Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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