i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
