Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
