The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Be still, my beating vagina.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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