is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
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Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
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i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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