She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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