I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
