i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize