we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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