Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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