I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
True college students do jello shots in the library
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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