At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
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