Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
