is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
50% drunk capacity currently
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
