Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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