someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I can tuck mytits in my pants
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
it's great music for shaving your balls
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
