I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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