I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
