I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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