Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
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Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
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Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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