If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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