We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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