I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
