i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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