my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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