I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
