so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Sorry about my life...
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
