My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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