he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
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