Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
