haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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