just come out here and I will go home with you...
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
