I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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