Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just forgot I was standing up.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
