We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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