just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
