happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
