pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
