So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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