He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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