I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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