He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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