I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
