someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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