True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
i think im in europe. pls send help
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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