This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
