i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
