the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
