just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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