The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
