Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
