I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
