I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
