Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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