How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
