her vagine was all disorganized.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
