i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
