When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
