I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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