Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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