woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
