jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
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she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
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Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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