His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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