New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
he was CRYING into my vagina
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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