you guys were way drunker than both of me
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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