dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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