i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
porn star boner night. come get it.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Dicks are not precious.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
