then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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