Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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